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The real truth about me

Since Johnny Cash died, I have worn black. I can recite Pi to 2,158 digits, and I have discovered the meaning of life, the origin of the big bang, and the actual ingredients and molecular structure of a Twinkie. I have set global trends through the 80’s, the roaring 20’s, and continue to buck the fashion system.

I am a published author in over 8 countries. You may have read my renowned book discussing the interpersonal cliques of Eupetaurus cinereus causing the demoralization of the family Sciuridae. The 5th edition is my favorite edition.

I am a convincing liar, yet I always tell the truth. I regularly bowl 300, and my unique "pinging" technique has garnered international fame in table tennis circles. I only play in high stakes UNO tournaments. During the grunge craze, I didn't wear plaid. I appreciate beauty in all things. I am a classically trained chef, a revolutionary thinker, and a merciless fighter. I dance with purpose.

I have dined in the company of Kurt Cobain, Ed McMahon, Abraham Lincoln, and Ronald - a monk from the hidden temples in central Asia. I, to this day, cannot remember his given name.  Randy Pausch has given meaning to my life. I implore you to listen to his words closely.

I am an award winning creative director to my 4 year old son. I am married to my best friend. She, being much more accomplished than I, recently interpreted the Dead Sea Scrolls correctly.